Dust off the cobwebs...

Wow, I didn't realize how long it's been since I blogged. As usual, I got lazy and stopped keeping up on my blog. I don't know why I allow myself to do that. I love to blog and I've had people reach out to me and and thank me for sharing my story. I've convinced myself it's because life is just crazy and I don't always have time. Who am I kidding...it's because I have a pattern of getting bored, changing my mind, or just getting lazy and not following through. My main goal for this blog is to help others. If my story or experience can change one person's life then I'm happy. It makes it all worth it. It's really difficult for me to be so open and transparent, but it's very healing for me and it helps others. So welcome back and here it goes...

Some of you already know this and some of you may not, but Spring of 2017, I had enough. I was miserable and I decided to seek out a Bariatric Weight Loss Doctor. I found one that I absolutely love and my journey began all over again. I haven't looked back and I don't regret one moment of the last year.

Last Wednesday (August 15th), I reached a pretty large goal. One I would never have imagined a little over a year ago. I reached my goal of 100 lbs lost. See my stats below. It was a day of celebration and I felt so great. I still can't believe where I am on this journey. I still have a long way to go, but that's ok. The experience has been life changing.

Total Weight lost - 100 lbs

Weight loss since April 2017 - 100 lbs
Weight loss since June 2017 - 89 lbs
Weight loss since January 24, 2018 (surgery day) - 59 lbs

Here is a little back story...I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I was not technically fat, but always bigger than the other girls. I was more masculine looking then all the other girls. I never understood why and was always asking "Why God? Why am I so ugly?" I felt like the ugly duckling and was treated as such by kids and adults alike. I never quite felt like I fit in anywhere. I still have insecurities around fitting in. It was painful, hurtful and left damaging scars that will never disappear. I've learned to overcome that, but deep down inside that young girl is crying out for love and acceptance. I was lucky enough to meet the man of my dreams and he loved me for me. He didn't care how fat I was or would become. He saw the person that I was inside and that's all that mattered to him. Life followed along in lock step; we got engaged, married and then came our first born. That's when the puzzle starting falling in to place and making sense. The birth activated the auto-immune hormone disorder that I was born with and had remained dormant. I never even knew it was there, but it explained a lot of what I went through physically as a kid. April 30, 2000 after years of weight gain and infertility issues I was diagnosed with Stein Leventhal Syndrome aka PCOS. Years of all encompassing ups and downs followed. Weight issues, infertility, 20 years of severe health issues, emotional and mental issues. It was awful. I couldn't stand being in my own skin. No one (not even my husband) knew how severe it really was. I just wanted to die...death sounded divine and I tried to make that a reality a couple of times. I know that sounds harsh. Some might ask why...because I have a great life. I can't answer that. I really don't know why. I was sick and I still have to maneuver through it sometimes. Some days are better than others. I'm apparently a lot stronger than even I knew. God was not ready for me to come home and I have to say that looking back now I'm grateful for that. There is too much to do and so many more things to experience.  I really do have a blessed life. I have a husband who loves me and I love him. We have two amazing boys that I'm beyond proud of. They are my world. I have a good support system in both family and friends. Even though I still do struggle sometimes, I'm in a pretty good place as an almost 50 year old.

So fast forward to today...the thought process and decision to take the leap into bariatric surgery. It was not an easy decision and one that I had toiled with for year. I was afraid and didn't want to take the easy way out. Well, let me tell you this is one of the hardest things I've EVER done. Last year at about this time, I had enough. I had tried for almost 30 years to get my weight under control and nothing was changing. I was too broken to do it on my own...I was miserable. That's actually an understatement. I couldn't move or walk without wanting to pass out. Everything hurt ALL THE TIME. Waking up in excruciating pain every day for almost 15 years had taken it's toll. I couldn't do it anymore and I was running out of options. After almost a year of praying, researching, and contemplating my options I decided to seek out a surgeon for Bariatric Surgery. I found Dr. Graf at Banner Gateway Weight Loss Center. I made my appointment and went in for my first meeting with him. My life has been forever changed. I won't go into the details of the process in this blog. I'll do another blog sometime with that story. So long story short, January 24, 2018 I had Gastric Sleeve. Best decision I've every made. I am doing great. There are a few struggles that are common with this type of surgery, but I really can't complain.

I've realized that life moves way too fast and changes every second. I have learned a lot over the last few years and I want to share that journey with you. The biggest lesson I've learned is that you have to stop and enjoy the journey...stop and smell the roses as the saying goes.

I hope you like reading my blog. Please feel free to comment or reach out to me directly if you want to talk about something that's in one of my blogs. I love sharing my story and I love supporting others even more. Even if you just want someone to talk to (about anything). Thank you to everyone for reading and for the continuous support.


Have a Blessed Day!!

Debbie