Go away!

The last couple of weeks have been a challenge. I'm still trying to adjust to my diet and find things that work for me. I wasn't eating all 5 of my meals each day and it actually caused a slow down in my weight loss. I only lost a pound my third week. That was very discouraging and it put me into a depression/funk last week (my 4th week). I was so grumpy and everyone could see it on my face without me even opening my mouth. I was embarrassed and angry that things weren't going the way that I wanted them too. I keep hitting road blocks. First my arm was injured before I even started the official program and then my back (which is still iffy) and now my right leg. Not to mention the issues that came up with my oldest son. I am having difficulty dealing with all of that. My body is failing me. I was so, so depressed last week and even had a week moment and cheated for one of my meals. I went through the drive through at Chick-Fil-A and ordered my favorite meal from there. I ate all of it, including the french fries. I didn't order a soda with it so I thought "well it isn't that bad then". Wrong...it was bad. I felt horrible afterwards. I failed  myself and was letting my inner dialog take over. Then I became angry at myself. As soon as I was done, I called Roy and confessed. I didn't want to keep it a secret, I wanted to be held accountable. I decided that it wasn't going to get the best of me and I moved on. I got back on plan immediately and stayed on plan the rest of the week. I almost had another fall, but oddly enough my trainer called just moments before I made the final decision to cheat again. It was so strange; almost like he knew I was considering it. :-). I confessed to  him about my trip to Chick-Fil-A, but left out the almost cheat and how he had interrupted it (thank goodness). I'll tell him soon, but I was ashamed and didn't want to confess just yet. I worked really hard the rest of the week to eat my 5 meals and drink all of my water. Because of my injuries I could only walk, so that's what I did. Until Friday anyway. My knee has gotten worse and I can't do anything. I was so nervous about getting on the scale this morning. I was pleasantly surprised when the scale said that I had lost 4.6 pounds. My set goal this week was 3.3 pounds. I had far exceed that and I was relieved, excited, happy. My total weight loss since starting on May 6th is 18.4 pounds. I'm not sure how I feel about that number. Yes it's good, but is it good enough. I really wanted to be double that by now. I just have to find a way to deal with that. A loss is a loss, no matter how long it's taking to get it off. I am starting to see and feel the changes so I just need to be patient. I keep setting little personal goals for myself and so far I've been able to keep them each week except for week 3. I know it will continue to get easier and better. I just have to keep from bringing myself down. My personal goal for this week is to stay positive. 

Later gators...:-)