Sorry for the silence...

It's been over a week since I posted anything. So sorry for the silence. Last week was such a whirlwind. Monday May 6th was the start of my transformation. I started my food plan as well as my exercise plan. It was a lot harder then I thought it would be. Adjusting to the amount of food that I was consuming (or not consuming :-)) and the schedule for my workouts was hard. By Tuesday afternoon I was tired, hungry and very grumpy. I was having a really hard time adjusting. There were a lot of tears. I kept thinking to myself "really Deb, it's only Tuesday...you can do this". The inner dialog in my head was exhausting. My trainer said that it was normal and my transformation buddy, Kaitlyn assured me that it would get a little easier as I went. They were both right. It got a little easier each day. The working out still kills me and I can't do everything that I want to do; my body just won't move in certain ways and the endurance level is almost nothing. I know it will get easier and I need to be patient. My biggest hurdle is going to be adjusting my schedule and being OK with it. It seems that I am always away from home. I get home usually at 8:30pm and I still have an hour of exercise to do. Anyone who knows me, knows that I need my time to decompress from the day. I can't just come home and go to bed. I have to have a moment to myself. That's how I get through life. Now I don't have much time to spend with my family let alone myself. I'll get it all worked eventually, but until then I feel a little out of control not to mention exhausted.

My hard work last week did pay off because when I weighed in on Sunday morning I had reached my personal weekly goal of a 10 pound weight loss. I was so excited. That unfortunately was overshadowed by a family emergency with my oldest son. I'm struggling to get through that. My eating has not been the best. I have completely blown it since yesterday afternoon. I will get back on plan tomorrow morning, but it's so frustrating because I don't want to undo what I worked so hard to accomplish last week. Somehow I have to figure out how to manage the emotional roller coaster and keeping it from undermining my progress.  I know its a total mind thing, but I can't seem to help it. When it happens, it's a mindset and I can't even reason with myself. There is so much past and present emotional crap that I have to deal with and I need to find a way to use something other than food to deal with it. That will be something that I struggle with my entire life, but there has to be a better way. That's what I'm searching for this week and the weeks to come. I know I will get through this just like I do everything else...with God's help.

Until next time...